95 days

Day 95. 

This morning my weight was 134.0, which made my BMI 23.0... at that time... first thing in the morning... but, alas...

I did not successfully even make it a full 5 days without caving into cravings and binge eating. It's a Friday. Always a difficult day to make the 35 minute drive home from work and know that I have only my cat to go home to. Only one cat now since I lost my beloved Amy 7 months ago.  I don't have a significant other or friends that I hang out with or call. I just have myself. I love the weekends. But, it's just me and Rusty. I miss having a significant other. I miss hugs and cuddles and someone to talk to. You know, other than my mom. Which, I'm glad my mom is still around and all. But, it's difficult to come home alone night after night and especially on Friday nights. 

So, I watched my brain debate about giving in to having a coke and pita chips. It wasn't much of a fight really. On Fridays, with no one to be accountable to other than myself. No one to cheer me on or to call to keep me in the game. No one to express my stress and frustrations over work. It's difficult to say, nah, let's just drive straight home to no one and have something healthy to eat. It's a tough sell. 

I did get cherry coke and Stacey's regular pita chips. It was a let down to be honest. And subsequently, a regret. A regret for giving in on day 95 of 100. A regret for it not tasting as good as I was hoping. The chips seemed a bit overcooked and the coke just didn't taste quite right. Then, I proceeded to have a bean burger and fries. Not that I needed any more food or calories. 

For some reason, I didn't have my normal constitution this morning, which seems really strange considering I've now had green smoothies every day for like 5 or 6 days now. So, I expect tomorrow morning I'm going to weigh a lot more than I weighed this morning.

I can't let this be the beginning of a big slide though. I am still on the challenge. Now 94 days left to go. Gotta step it up.

This morning had a lot of positives. Can't believe I let myself down. My blood pressure was pretty good this morning at 106/71 and heartrate of 59. 

Those are great numbers to see because when I'm at the doctor's office, at least in the past, it has not been so good... some years ago it was not uncommon for the numbers to come back like 150s/90s and heartrate 80s. I get stressed going to the doctor's... I get stressed because of my blood pressure, which reads high, and then I get more stressed because it's reading high and I don't want to be on medications. And then I just get more stressed at the doctor's. It's like a vicious cycle. The reason I eat healthy though, is because I know when I eat whole foods plant based, my numbers are good and the specter of medication is farther away.

Even though sometimes I wonder, why do I even care to live a healthy life alone. I think, it's even more important to live a healthy life if I am alone. I am dependent on myself and my ability to keep taking care of myself. And, I'm not really alone, I have Rusty, and he is an awesome cat. I love him so.

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